Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
