i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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