How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
