I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Your cock deserves a montage
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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