I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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