i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
