im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
