Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just wanna soil my oats bro
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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