I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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