Dude my mom stole all your condoms
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
