My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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