please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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