i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
