hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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