You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
