return my video game
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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