ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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