I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
