Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
