He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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