I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
