You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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