How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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