Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
