just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
