Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
