You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
