...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
