listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
