pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
