carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
bring money and cleavage
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
