after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
