Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
