WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
