i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
