Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
