i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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