im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
