Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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