My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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