I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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