Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
