Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
4 words: hood of his car
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
