Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
