Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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