Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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