If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
