he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm too high and old for this...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
