sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
