I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
