So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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