She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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