yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize