i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
